The Taser Incident

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  Posted by Edgewalker54 October 16, 2016 - Filed in Personal Journal - 891 views
  

  The Taser 2

  When I was in my 20’s, I was living in a duplex that was ‘Biker Central’ for the neighborhood. There were bikes parked out front, choppers and stock and all different makes. I was a frame carpenter and was ‘between jobs’ when this happened.

  I bought a taser for ME! And yes, it DID have a spark between the prongs... A nasty sizzly sound that was instantly mesmerizing and called to me "Edge... you want meeeee...." Being the sik individual that I am (I became an electrician later) I just HAD to test it out! Since I had read an article (years ago) I knew that if I did it myself... I would not be able to "Let Go" with a 1 second burst. So what to do, what to do...?

  Ahhh, I would enlist a 'Volunteer' from my friends! Now, if you have followed my posts... you are aware that my friends are a bunch a sik bastards just like me... So I asked Leper (just a riding name, because he shed skin from sunburn. Red-head ya know) to Taser me. I was wearing a pair of cut-off shorts and I told him ‘In the leg only!’ He suggested that I turn away from him, so as not to 'clinch up' before the "event". I agreed like the trusting fool that I was, turned around and he shot me between my butt cheeks, right behind my nutsack!

  I could hear their laughter in a far-away place... but I had done a 'Nose-Dive' into the tiled floor... Notice I say NOSE-dive? Yep, square on the ol honker! I lay there bleeding and they were laughing! They told me later that I was doing "The Chicken" on the living room floor... I threw up just a little, and I peed a LOT! ohtheshame... When I got up, I couldn't calibrate my motions enough to punch Leper in the throat, so I threw up on him... Vengeance! But, then my head threw me into the coffee table with a sudden convulsion... Spilled all their beers and the bong! Double vengeance!

  I figure that it was Karma for them laughing at me in my suffering... So, I finally sat down, had a brew or three and the convulsions seemed to be receding. The next night, I was in the sack with a sweetie I had been chasing for... I dunno... two weeks? We are just getting ready for the 'Moment of Truth'... and my legs go into VIOLENT spasms and I am unable to complete the 'Task at Hand'... ohtheshame!

  When Leper came home that night, there was shaving cream in his bed... and I had peed in his last Corona brew in the fridge... Too much? Don’t think so!

  I'm sure, somewhere... right now one of them is telling the story "Dood, I saw a guy that wuz Tasered... Laffed my ASS off!" sik bastards...

  Edge "Scorched" Walker