Pecan Theif

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  Posted by Bleaus January 27, 2012 - Filed in Personal Journal - 715 views
  

  For those who have never heard of Miss Ella let me briefly introduce her.

  Miss Ella is....um ....Well Miss Ella is ........unique!

  No thats wrong and I dont want to start this entry with a fib.

  Who is Miss Ella?

  She is the 76 year old mother of my old man Spyder.

  What is Miss Ella?

  The meanest, most stubborn, and outspoken female to ever hail from the Bama backwoods.

  Her idea of us bonding is me jumping in her pond and counting how many cottonmouths are there!

  Over the years we have had more than a few differences. Some so ridiculous that I had to put them to ink to simply remind myself that they really happened.

  Like this last weekend.....Spyder and I came rolling in from a long day with the brothers. Just as we turned into the dirt road there was Miss Ella jumping up and down on her porch trying to get our attention.

  Awww Damn Im thinkinking as Spyder turns "pearl" towards her house. Im trapped in the bitch seat and now I get to listen to what ever she has stuck in her craw today. (usually its something involving me)

  She storms off the porch puffed up to all five foot four inches, waving her arms and ranting about some boy stealing her pecans.

  Spyder listens as Im trying to shove my head farther in my jacket. ( Miss Ella gets a  tone to her voice when she is unhappy that I have actually seen scare coyotes)

  At the end of her rant she askes Spyder what she should do if "THAT BOY"  dares to come back.

  Imagine my shock when Spyder simply says to his crazy pecan tossing mother..."Just shoot him"!

  You have got to be nuts telling your mother to shoot someone I sputter. As crazy as she is she will do that and who knows what or who she will wind up killing. She cant hear and she is near sighted and and and..

  Calm down Spyder says....the only gun in her house is my dads old 45 and I made sure there were no bullets around a long time ago. And off he goes to the shop leaving me still not convinced.

  Sure enough ...and hour later the phone rings and its Miss Ella. She has found the 45 and wants to know what size bullets she needs to get for it......

  I thought for a moment and clearly told her .............22s 

  whew....................