The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!  If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years, canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is:

Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's Bum. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
10) if they get pregnant, you can SELL their children!

That is pretty much about right. If someone harmed my dogs on purpose, they had better run quick and hope I never see them again.

LOL Gary,Good post !!! Paula remind me to never mess with your menagerie !!!

Yup, thing is though...lol...mine aint allowed on furniture and never have been...not allowed upstairs unless giving birth and I need them where I can monitor their progress and it keeps them out the way of the others while they bond with their babies, the others can meet them when they grow a bit...

Mine ALWAYS know that anything hits their own personal dish is theirs...anything ANYWHERE else is not...Even my darn ferrets are fully trained...lol...they go off running around all day doing exactly what they want...when I shout, they come running...its just so much easier to train them than it is for them to train you.....lol.....yeah, and...if someone so much as whinges about my "Kids" doing something or somewhere then they better watch out...Grrrrr!!! 


(My Bite is Worse Than My Bark!!! ...lol...)

LOL Jetman I need to get some pointers from YOU!! I think I have spoiled my 15m old lab/boxer as she is way too rude and in my space too much!!

As a professional animal trainer/handler/wrangler in film and tv for over 18 years (I quit back in '91) I made top UK spot for a few years, I quit while at the top plainly and simply because of the start of CGI, I knew it would only be a matter of time until it took over from real animals and birds...I was right.....

Over here if a friend wants a dog trained they bring it round and in 10 minutes I have it doing all basics, by the end of the first day I have it working for me...then it would take me over THREE WEEKS to train the owner to work the dog...

Because of that I started charging approx £750  (approx $1100) per bad dog to complete obedience and standard command training...Advance training would include hard track, soft track, drug search, seek and search, and/or silent command at distance...total cost of that would be around £1500 (approx $2250), more if the dog is not an easy breed to teach these further disciplines to...

How does this sound to you...lol...and I am actually being serious now...You buy me a ticket to stay for 3 weeks, feed me and keep me supplied with coffee and cigars and I will fully train your dog (AND YOU) up to a fully obedient standard on at least 10 different commands (Minimum 10 commands, depending on the breed concerned).....


Size of dog does not matter, temperament type does!  I will not have anything to do with any of the fighting breeds, especially pitbulls, they can be easily trained but from the age of 2 years plus they do become too unpredictable and I will have nothing to do with them.....

Just as a footnote to the above...lol...

I have even trained goldfish swimming around in a small tank with 3 basic simple commands - just to prove a point that they do have a better memory than scientists have stated...memory of carp type fish ( carassius auratus ) have an almost indefinate memory.....scientists are quoted as having stated that goldfish have a 10 second memory.....

Great post Paula, Dogs are meant to be spoiled - kind of like Grand Kids!!!

Our dog is as much a part of the family as anyone. I do need to post that note for her though because she does like to sleep perpendicular to us in the bed. I keep telling her to notice the direction that Laura and I are sleeping and try to do the same. But at least she finally figured out that if she is in my spot on the couch and sees me coming - she moves over one spot!!!

I think I just might hafta post that on the fridge door. LOL

Actually, we have FOUR dogs. There's a sign on said refrigerator door "Around here, dog hair is just another condiment."

Don't understand people, especially women, who will keep a pet & not give it a job.

Can't picture any female who would remain calm when the old man said "Think I'm going to spend the rest of my life sitting on the sofa, and while you are up get me a cookie".

After a fashion rescued the current dog from two single women who just did not understand sporting dogs. - "Sure I'll be glad to lie on the sofa & eat biscuits; you don't mind if I get up on the breakfast table to lick the dishes then use your nephew for a chew toy, do you?"

Took her home & gave her a job, then no more getting on the table & battering children.

Find a job for your pet. - Have it fetch tools or bring you your clothes in the AM or patrol for critters

My dog does everything I ask except fetch me a beer. I think after 11 years she's figured out that if I go into the kitchen I'll come back with a treat for her. Mmmmmmmm, so someone has a job eh?


Peace

JetMan...I'll get back to you on that one! 99Savage...Its been said that some people "humanize" their animals...Maybe thats what I am doing...I do understand the error of my ways in regards to my lack of (being lazy) training. Some tings to consider...

Great Post ! Now if I can rig up a sidecar for Brother and Buddy ~

That's hysterical!! 

My dog is great at her job... which is to be ready to play anytime I need a break from the day to day stuff and sit right next to me on the couch any time I need company.