JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE 
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? 
Juan on Juan 

What is a Yankee? 
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. 

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? 
The position of the dirt bag. 

Why is divorce so expensive? 
Because it's worth it. 

Why is air a lot like sex? 
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. 

What do you call a smart blonde? 
A golden retriever. 

What do attorneys use for birth control? 
Their personalities. 

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 
10 years and 45 lbs 

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 
45 minutes 

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? 
Through his chest with a sharp knife. 

Why do men want to marry virgins? 
They can't stand criticism. 

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? 
Because those men already have boyfriends. 

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? 
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. 

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? 
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. 

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? 
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. 

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? 
"Are you sure it's mine?" 

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? 
Mace will do that to you. 

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? 
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. 

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? 
A different pub. 

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? 
A speech impediment 

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? 
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". 

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? 
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

LMAO
Thanks for sharing !!

^^

Jon

LOLOLOL........

you forgot, What do you call two gay gentlemen named Bob?   Oral Roberts.  ( in the spirit of offending evryone  :^}  )

good stuff mate...The Italian thing is true BTW..I broke my arm and none of my family could understand me

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Whiskey!'

About time we Irish got a mention.

Jon

 A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 .

There is a big panel at the front door.

With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.

Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."


"Grandma,that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? 

Lmao

Omg...Lungs!!! That is too, freakin' funny. Wanna know why? That cartoon IS my ex-husband!

He did that to our lawn-mower, about the same time as his gut was goin' thru that exact transformation.
Neither worked well, and after a while, they both subsequently...died.

Not disrespecting the dead here folks, cause he? Would've been the first to laff at that shit.

Ride Free
Tweek

An old Hog rider was making good time when a state trooper stopped him. "You were speeding," the cop said. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
"Yep," the Hog rider said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.
"These flies are terrible," the trooper complained.
"Yep," the Hog rider said. "Those are circle flies."
"What's a circle fly?"
"Them flies that circle a horse's ass," answered the Hog rider. "Them are circle flies."
"You wouldn't be calling me a horse's ass, would you?" The trooper angrily asked.
"Nope, I didn't," the Hog rider replied. "But you just can't fool them flies.

redneck hawg riding                  

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't
fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"

 Two nuns in their car waiting at traffic lights, 

Cute!!! I love a good joke.

How do ya ircumcise a Redneck??
 
 Kick his sister in the jaw!!

SORRY!! WAS SUPPOSED TO READ "CIRCUMCISE"