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funny, funny, and more funny

  • TACO
    August 31, 2010 6:08 AM PDT
    ONE 


    Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you 
    could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. 

    I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 

    'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 

    'You don't?' I replied. 

    'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 

    'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 

    'That's right.' 

    So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets 

    (Unbelievable but sadly true...) 


    TWO     

    I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. 

    After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code 
    so she could scan it. 

    Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' 

    I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' 

    She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. 

    She had no clue to what had just happened. 


    THREE 

    A woman at work was seen putting a credit card

    into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. 

    When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' 

    (keep shuddering!!) 


    FOUR 

    I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 
     
    'Do you need some help?' I asked. 
     
    She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocked. Now I 
    can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would 
    have a battery to fit this?' 

    'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 

    'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.  As I 
    took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and 
    check about the batteries. It's a long walk....' 


    PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!     


          FIVE 

    Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. 

    Brunette, by the way!!     


    SIX 


    A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the 
    mother says, 'I just gave him

    some ant killer......' 

    Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!' 


    Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

     

     
    Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't
    laugh.....it is all true...

    Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70........


    01.
    Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

    02.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 

    03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

    04. People call at 9 PM and ask,   Did I wake you?" 

    05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

    06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

    07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

    08. You can eat supper at 4 PM. 

    09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

    10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

    11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

    12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 

    13. You sing along with elevator music.

    14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

    15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 

    16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the   national weather service.

    17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

    18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 

    19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

    20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

    Forward this to every one you can remember right now!


    Never, under any circumstances,
    take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
  • Deleted Member
    August 31, 2010 6:55 AM PDT
    Taco read them all and can relate to the car remote.
    Tonight at work one of the younger men came over and asked me how do you change the battery on his car remote. I asked why? He told me that he couldn't get into his car as the battery was flat in the remote. I took his keys and UNLOCKED his door!!!!!
    He was DUMB struck!!! No BS mate. I laughed and laughed!!!!
  • TACO
    August 31, 2010 7:05 AM PDT
    Hoss1584 wrote...
    Taco read them all and can relate to the car remote.
    Tonight at work one of the younger men came over and asked me how do you change the battery on his car remote. I asked why? He told me that he couldn't get into his car as the battery was flat in the remote. I took his keys and UNLOCKED his door!!!!!
    He was DUMB struck!!! No BS mate. I laughed and laughed!!!!





    no sh*t?...LOL.........as they would say around here...."HERE'S YOUR SIGN"....LOL
    Hoss i think i would tell that one to everyone at the lunch table tonight....LOL

  • Deleted Member
    August 31, 2010 7:34 AM PDT
    Mate they know as we where at the lunch table!!!
  • TACO
    August 31, 2010 7:46 AM PDT
    Hoss1584 wrote...
    Mate they know as we where at the lunch table!!!




    HAHAHAHAHA...what all did the rest of the workers say about it?...were they teasing him about it?

  • Seakers
    • 1161 posts
    August 31, 2010 7:53 AM PDT
    Hoss1584 wrote...
    Taco read them all and can relate to the car remote.
    Tonight at work one of the younger men came over and asked me how do you change the battery on his car remote. I asked why? He told me that he couldn't get into his car as the battery was flat in the remote. I took his keys and UNLOCKED his door!!!!!
    He was DUMB struck!!! No BS mate. I laughed and laughed!!!!



    I did the same thing for my sister the other day and she is 23.....   
  • RexTheRoadDog
    • Moderator
    • 19067 posts
    August 31, 2010 7:56 AM PDT
    These are great, although a bit of a sad commentary. I have one too...
    Sitting at a lunch table in a factory where I worked one of the people had a new thermos bottle with the labels still on it. That label announced "Keeps hot hot and cold cold." One of the other people at the table asked "How do it Know?" if it is hot or cold?

    One more true but sad...
    At this factory I was an electronic technician and one not too bright young lady asked if me or the friend I was sitting with knew anything about televisions? Yes we replied and she said that her new TV wasn't working very well. She has taken it to the repair shop twice and they said there is nothing wrong with it and that it worked fine. My friend asked her if her antenna or cable was correctly attached. She replied in absolute innocence, "You have to hook and something to it???" Absolutely true!

    and now for one observation...

    Why do the "bridge freezes before road surface" signs in some southern states have the added line?

    "In cold weather"??????
  • blurplebuzz
    • 3006 posts
    December 12, 2014 10:39 AM PST
    Lmao great post!!! I like the do not take a sleeping pill and a laxative before going to bed.!!!
    Not a pretty scene at all!!! LOL)