September 16, 2011 9:24 AM PDT
I know most of us Fear something in our life.......this is my FEAR, and it's like a monkey on my back always FU*&ing with me!
What I fear the most in my life……
I don’t know why I feel the urge to write this, it’s not like I’m about to die…..or am I. I mean who knows when the time will come, unless you plan to help it along some, which I don’t. What I fear most in my life before it’s over is that I never made my mark in life, or never had anything important to say that may have changed one’s life for the better. I’m not looking to be a Hero, not at all, but I would just like to have been known as a leader of men, with an outside the box kind of way of doing things. Every day I go to work in my uniform, I try my best to protect the ones that count on me, and I fear I may let them down when or if the time comes. This is what I fear the most in my life, that I will not be up for the task at hand to save a life, or take a life if need be. I can’t talk to my wife about this kind of emotional men’s stuff; all I get is the roll around of the eyes. I try every day to envision different types of situations, and I play them out in my mind, every way possible for them to turn out.
Do I have what it takes to save someone from a person that is hell bent on killing this person I’m there to protect? This haunts me every day I go to work. Will I choke, or will it turn out just like I’ve envisioned time and time again in my mind????? I and my person I’m protecting come out on top. How can I be sure it will turn out the way I want it to? In this game you may only get one chance to win! I train and, I shoot as much as possible, and I do well at both, but when the time comes…….will I prevail to save the moment???? Will I be haunted forever for a lost life that I could or should have saved?? What if I'm in a hostage sitution, and I have someone with a gun to a persons head (where I work this is not that far fetched) and I decide to shoot and kill the Hostage. I could never live that down, the hauntings would never go away.
There is no way to know this for sure I guess. I can only ask the Lord to guide me and ensure that I don’t screw up. If I believe in the Lord (which I do) will he come through for me?
Guess I need some of the widson of the family again. You guys are the best family ever, and I listen to what you have to say.
Dragon