You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one!
You don't even have to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We

turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
pet 
parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab
company 
and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door
to 
leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots back
into 
the front door.
 
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to
eat 
the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get
the 
cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the

house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi
driver 
that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to
my 
mother.'
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I
said, 
as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had
to 
poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take

off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a
blanket 
to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass

downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
The cab driver hit a parked car.