After being married for several years, I came home from a weekend away to discover my husband had moved out and left with a 24yr old  he had been having an affair with for at least 2yrs and 9mo's., as there was a 2 yr old child produced from the affair. 3 mo's later my Mom died. We had been very close and I was her primary care giver. She had been fighting 4th stage colon cancer for 31/2 yrs and was determined the cancer wouldn't get her, which it didn't, her heart gave out first. I was in my mid-fifties at the time. I was pretty comfortable with my life, secure finacially, had no clue about the affair. My husband was an over the road trucker and I never thought I had a reason to dis-trust him. Needless to say my life was shattered.
That is where the bike came into my life. I needed something that had nothing to do with my past life. I had dated guys when I was younger that rode and always loved it. Being single again, when I was ready to date again, it took a couple of years and its still difficult, I was drawn to the guys in leather. Being a pretty strong independant woman I didn't want to just ride on the back of someone else's bike. I want to be in control of something. I guess that is where it is coming from. So much that happened was out of my control and all I could do was roll with the punches and boy, did I feel like a punching bag.
Anyway, I'm wondering how many other women on this site are single/divorced and making it on their own and how you do it. I'm filled with anxiety this winter. I don't have the finacial security I had while married and I'm making a lot less than I used to due to the economic down turn. Are you also worried and how do you cope? I know this winter is taking its toll on me and I can't wait for spring to get here, so I can let the wind blow all the crap out.

Girl Ya got a lot going for you right here. It is not just the Woman that gets kicked in the guts. Bin in the bucket when the youngest is going off to school after high school. Got my papers just after Gratuation day. Empty Nesting and having to Start over with an empty bank roll can seem like a Pit. The Bike, a summer ride from lake Superior to DC in 05 dodging the Gulf storms that watered the country washed the blues out and a short stop in Gettysburg for the July Bash reset my mind. The folks here can help ya any time you are looking for clear roads and sunshine. I made contact with a high school friend just to BS and we are now ridding together. Enjoy your friendships and you will find a new life.  My new life started at 59.  

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I know we will both come out the other side better and stronger women. I know I am a survivor, always have been. I was a single Mom too, but somehow I didn't worry then like a do now. I'm fortunate I don't have any kids today and the only ones I need to worry about is me, my little brother who is developementally disabled and the dogs. I do know God provides what I need, maybe not what I want, but my needs have been met throughout. I too have had to sell off a lot of things and the only things left to sell are my bike and my car. I need the car and I need the bike for my sanity. Its like the only thing I'm hanging on to right now. Finding Cylefish has also been a life saver. Making the connections I have here, I look foward everyday checking in to see what everyone is up to.
I had hoped to start classes this semester to finish a degree I started before I got married, but I was denied finacial aid and there is no way I could apply for a loan. Not at my age, it doesn't make any sense.
I looked at your photos from your road trip, Buffy and I was so inspired by your adventure. Ever since I looked at them, I've been thinking that maybe that is something I should consider doing also. Listening to your story and to hgsc above your post, I think I'll start planning something and checking out my camping gear.
Thanks again, you've reminded me I'm not alone. Good luck to your son, I'll mark that day on my calander and say an extra prayer for him.

think its great u guys can tell other folks ur worries ,its good to share ur worries and get them off ur chest ,just show you what a great site cyclefish is before you can come on the site and do this ,not just you laddies but also some of the guy ,

Take that road trip sidetrack.. it's the best therapy out there. Being alone with my thoughts for hours on end, helped me work through a lot of thoughts. Seeing old friends reconnecting with happier times and creating new happy memories was a boost to my soul, meeting new people were the highlights of my days, Seeing amazing sites along the way left me appreciating the life around me, overcoming so many challenges both anticipaed and not helped me to believe in myself, that trip renewed my confidence and forever changed my life for the better. That was my first long haul on my bike and it won't be my last. When I ride, life is good.

Yeah DebraJo, usually I'm more private about the things that hurt. I tend to tuck them away in some deep hidden place. But if I'm going to move on with my life I have to face the demons. I can't lock them away only to have them become more skeletons in my already over full closet. When I saw sidetrack posted her topic I knew that hearing similar experiences sometimes helps you look at your own in a new light. Not that knowing other people suffer is good, but knowing others face hard times and challenges similar to you helps you realize you aren't alone in it. Reading her post brought so much of my own inner turmoils to the surface it felt like the right time to share... and besides... we are all family here. :-D *my opinion*

It took me hours (while running around to classes, group meetings, administrative offices and the cafeteria) to settle after writing my response to sidetrack. As I hit submit my hands were trembling, my stomach was twisted and my eyes were misty. In the back of my mind I thought I shouldn't have put that all out there. When I got back to my computer I was intending to delete it. But then I saw the response from you and g, I reread what I'd written and decided to hold off before reacting (either to delete or respond). But I feel ok now. What you say makes sense and I do understand and appreciate it too. If I could hug you right now I would... so take a virtual one until I see you *hugs*

thanks g, the people here are very supportive it makes it easy to admit my failings and not feel I will be judged unfairly. We are all human and we all share a common bond, but we are also discovering there is more that binds us than a love of the open road and the rush of the wind at our face.

I love you ladies. I mean it and won't downplay how I admire and respect you, and have so sincerely come to depend on you all. I won't go into my story today, am feeling too raw and that is the scariest time for me, anxiety creeps in and I start to feel emotionally overwhelmed, still pushing stuff away I'm not ready to face. It is also these times that the shit hits the fan for me, maybe I instictively know, and most often when I feel like this the stalker is just around the corner, the ex is trying to screw me over again, cancer comes back, the bottom drops out of the account, the lay offs begin... whatever. I found Cyclefish, and you all when my life was again at its scariest. The stuff is still what it is, but you know, I never feel alone anymore thanks to you all, nor isolated,and I don't feel hopeless either. Getting this meet and greet together has renewed me and helped me realize again (as I always eventually do) that the world is greater than me and I can do some good. What truly makes me happiest is bringing people, businesses, needs together to help, to make a life or the whole world better. Yes, it is self-serving, atleast with y'all, because finally I'll have a chance to hug you and thank you for everything, and also hook you all up with the folks who've been there for you. Thank you all, I can't begin to tell you how much you've meant to me, but I hope one day I will be able to show you what gifts you are to those you know, even people you may never meet, but each and every one of you is a gift in this world and thank you for including me even just a little bit. You've kept me from isolating myself and losing faith in people and what good we can do. Thank you
Your stories are inspiring, and the examples of what can be done are great.
Thank you,
Steph

I love you Steph (saving a BIG hug for you! Will happily deliver it at the meet & greet)

Thank you Ladies! You have no idea how honored I feel right now for the support and comraderie I feel right now. I am speechless and let me tell you, that is a rarity.

Wow, thank you all, ladies for sharing, sidetrack, AdventurGirl, debrajo62 & stephaniebritt. I commend you on opening up to everyone here, issues like thease weigh heavy on the heart and can eat you up, I'm glad you can vent them here. I don't have many of your troubles, but am glad you've been able to face them and are coming out on top of them. I do know what its like to think your doing right by your family and come home to a dear matt letter instead of a wife and 18 month old daughter, then after frantic phone calls finally find out I need to lawer up before I can see my baby girl again. It's bitter sweet to learn that others have the same or worse problems than you, your relieved that your not the only one, but also, do not wish anything upon others. You guy's are taking rotten hands and making better situations out of them and I salute you. I too, await springs warmer tempertures and better climate so i can get my bike from storage and take a long lide to clear the poisons from my head. I found this site a while ago and enjoy the hell out of if for so many reasons, including those above. I can read a post and say a prayer for someone or wish someone luck or laugh my butt off reading some of these posts. I may never meet some of you guys, but I feel like a part of a really big family here, and were here, good times and bad. I hope the best for you guys. And than sooner or later you get back on the road, shiny side up and rubber side down,; maybie one day I'll see y'all out there.

Every single one of us has a story, men and women. When shared, our personal loads and baggage seem to lighten. I feel that the most beautiful part of sharing with each other is that I learn from each and every persons experiencas and they help me become a better woman, and equip me to be of greater assistance to others. Again, I salute you all. Thank you

Stephanie you are so right, thank you Hutch78 & Mike too. Hutch I hope you still get to see your baby girl and let her know every chance you get how much Daddy loves her, no matter the situation with you and her mom. Rex I think I'll be calling you this weekend, with Nico's court date coming up Tuesday I need a calming voice.

You are so right there Stephanie! That was why I posted this. Its amazing how the load lightens from sharing. I know there are people here I can gain insight and strength. People to identify with that have been there or are there too.
 I look at what is going on in Haiti right now and know my problems are insignificant compared to what those people are dealing with. I feel foolish worrying about having to replace my furnace or having to buy fuel. I'm grateful I have a home with a funky furnace. 
Life goes on and I'm trying desperately to grow into a better person from my past experiences. Some days are better than others.
What this forum has done for me is bring me closer to you people I had already found a bond.

Rex, You are a Prince among men, Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Hutch,
I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts too! I hope you are able to get this staightened out so your daughter does not suffer. I believe it is so unfair for the kids to be used as bargaining chips or extortion tools by women. I do believe men get the raw end of the deal some of the time. There are groups that fight for men's parental rights. I know there a lot of dead beat Dad's out there, but on the other hand there are a lot of wonderful father's that get the shaft. Good luck to you.

I'm with you Debra! I'm ready to rock and roll!! I wanna rock and roll till I'm stuck in the ground some where or my ashes are scattered in my garden!!

  Well, Yes I was hoping for a better year but here I go again,,    I was reciently Divorced after 25yrs, he left me for his meth dealer and Married her,, I got a no contact order for my son and I,,  He was having a very hard time dealing with loosing his Dad,,  I put us in counsling for a year and that has helped him,, not sure about me yet,, lol       He has to have back surgery next month at 15,, My aunt whom was like a Mother to me was just put into Hospice yesterday so I will be staying down there till her time here is over,,   My son goes in Monday for evaluation and to set up surgery,,    I cant work right now for my son and aunts health, that is very hard, they are forclosing on our home,,  I just wait for what comes next,,

 BUT, I am very Greatful and most always have a smile on my face,,  I realized I cannot stomp my feet or choke someone,,and change things,, doesn't work,,lol      I just keep a positive out look and hope for the best,, what else can ya do,,

  So to all that are struggling,, keep your head up no matter what,, It could be worse,,    :) :) :) :) :) :)~~          I try and look at the bright side but I haven't found one yet,, lol     

You are an inspiration for the rest of us!
Good luck to your boy with his surgery, let us know how he makes out. And, I'm sorry to hear you are loosing your Aunt. Hospice is a wonderful organization and will make sure she does not suffer at all. I have worked with them many times and had them here for my Mom and a friend of mine that came to stay with me until his time was done.
Let us know how you are doing, so we can keep tabs on you and be a support system to you too!

Thanks AdventureGirl and sidetrack, it was actually a long time ago. Things are pretty good now my daughter and I have a good relationship and her mom and I even get along at this point. I hope you guys continue to look at the positives and wish you luck with the the hardtimes coming up.

I will say a positive prayer for you and your family.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
"anything can happen if you really believe"