Twists and turns are endless... and I am grateful for them.  I have been out of touch and I dearly appreciate the messages I receive that have left me to feel connected here and connected to my spirit that hears the open road calling.  Sometimes I feel I don't know how to do it, how do get through this life in a way to make sense of it.  I can't anymore.  I must admit, I believe we are not meant to understand... just live as well as we can and be the best and as good as we can.  I have had the most unbelievable past seven months of my life and meeting some of you here has been a very important part of that.  I have yet to find the words to express my deep appreciation for the kindness, truth, and love, yes Love, that I have been fortunate to receive.  Love comes in many forms.  I am blessed to have found it here.  For me and for others.  It's here all the time.
 
My children's father, 52 years old, died suddenly of a massive heart attack.  He was buried on Saturday passed.  I have never known the depth of sorrow that I felt in my being,when I first found out of my children's loss.  I was out of town and nearly out of range completely.  I couldn't hold them.  I wept for days until I finally returned to the States.  I wasn't meant to be here.  My kids are 19, 21, and 24.  They are my breath, my blood, my hopes, my dreams.  I am so very proud of them.  And they are hurting...and they are laughing, and smiling, and weeping, and ever faithful and beautiful throughout their grief.  I am in wonder of my children.

The four of us... are all at major turning points.  I have this sense of awe as it feels as though the four of us have reached this point... as if we are just nearly standing on top of the world and just looking out and taking it all in...before we all decide to take the leap.  Our lives...more importantly...their lives, have been so hard.  Filled with disappointments too numerous to count.  It has been so f'd up...over and over and over.  I have let them down, others have let them down.
When do these kids ever catch a break?  Well...maybe it's here.  I wish to honor their father for them.  Only through the Grace of God will I be able to do this.

If you have read so far, thanks.  Just wanted to let you know I'm alive and haven't totally fallen off the planet.  God Bless you all.  Lord knows I think about some of you quite a bit and I hope you know that eventhough I have been incommunicado...it's because so much is going on.  It's deep, it's real.  Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I cry like a fool, and sometimes I isolate. And sometimes I'm just tired. And sometimes I just want to know why so much has had to be so damn hard and when does it really change????? 

Peace and Love fellow road warriors, from my heart, from my spirit.  Ride hard.  Ride free.  Hopefully I'll meet some of you one of these days.  Until then, ".May the sunshine warm your face, the rain fall soft upon your fields..."  Ride with heart.     ~ Ingrid

  Spirit guide and protect in your journeys my Sister of the road.

Inga, My heart goes out to you and your children. I have NEVER had to experience this TYPE of loss so I will not say "I know what your going through". I will say however, that you are in our thoughts and prayers. In time the pain will be replaced by fond memories (surprisingly the bad seems to go away, somewhat). You ARE a part of this "family" we call Cyclefish and when one of the family hurts, we all hurt.

Always be "there" for the kids and forever "mom".... 20, 30, 40 years from now they'll remember, "Mom"..... As "cruiser" said "the bad seems to go away". In actuality, time will dull the "knife edge" of the pain and remembering won't be so painful... Thoughts and prayers for you and the children... Sarge....

Bless you and yours, Ing ~ you know you are loved in a great 'family of friends' and a kindred fellowship.
That which you share with your children is so important and maybe even more so now ~ know that we all are here for you, all of you... Coop

Death is something of a reckoning for every soul. No matter what you believe about eternity, the passing of someone and the loss that is felt is purely of this world and is all we know when we lose someone. It’s a constant reminder that we are temporary. Everything we do will be undone in time except for the impact we leave on those we leave behind. It is often bittersweet for me to look at my children and my wife and know that it will come that we will have to leave or be left behind. The struggle defines some of us and defeats others. It is our plight, our motivation, our anxiety and our finality to know that it will end and in those moments when it is on the cusp, we will be afraid and tired and relieved and wishing it were not so…..But it is so and will continue to be the ONLY constant we can count on.

Failures are evidence of expectations ruined, but at least there were expectations. Heartache is the baggage of love, but at least there was love. Triumph is the timing of luck and expectations in synchronous and is fleeting and elusive in most endeavors. But caring is never a failure although it can sometimes keep you from succeeding. As long as your loved ones know you care, you may not be able to quell there pain, you may not be able to achieve what matters most to you, but they will know that you care and you hurt with them and for them. And in spite of whatever memories you have, you have the knowledge that you cared no matter what the loss or gain. And that will be something of a reassuring surprise that wasn’t guaranteed but was there, through whatever else, you cared.

So when you’re looking into that abyss, it will look into you. Let it. Let it wash over you and transform you. Use it to make yourself better or at least accepting of that which is unchangeable.

So sorry Inga, I will be praying for you and your kids.

Wow Inga, You have had some trying times. You and you family will be in my prayers. Keep your head up and know that whatever your beliefs God will guide you.

All of your words are so beautiful and you all lift me up. From my heart and head and soul, thank you.

Inga sorry for your loss. Life is hard and it seems not to make sence most of the time. Hang in there, everything happens for a reason and most of the time it doesn't make sence. I'll be thinking of you and your family. I lost my father 7 years ago and my mom 2 years ago and that type of loss is difficult. Sometimes I'll pick up the phone to call my Mom and then remember I don't have the number to heven. Just keep them in your thoughts and remember the good times.

MrLee... If you ever get that number, please pass it along. I've got a brother, father and mother I'd like to talk to....

   Prayers to you and your children.   Hope it gets better for you all!

Inga,
I do not know you personally but reading your post I felt compelled to offer my sincere Prayers to you & your family....I know the loss of a father as I lost mine 11 years ago :-(
You wrote of the hards times you & your children have shared & that you also overcame them to which I can relate....that you had failed them in someway...you have not failed them, you have done all you can do & have gotten thru before & you will get thru again. You have done a wonderful job in honoring their Dad with the words you have written & shared here.

Well put.

Sorry for what you have been thru. - Sometimes we can brace ourselves for the blow & sometimes we get sucker punched

Inga,
I don't know you but I do want to tell you how sad I am for you, and your childrens loss. I lost my husband & 3 year old son 4 years ago ("lost"...I hate that term, I didn't lose them, they died).. DEFCON was spot on when he said that things like this can define you or defeat you...Stay Strong!...I'm new to this site but I can see from what others have posted that you have many caring friends here.

Inga i am sorry for your loss. I do wish you and your family the pest and know my prayers will be with you.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers Inga. Stay strong sister!

Have seen you around the site and I to want to send my prayers for peace of mind and heart to you and your kids. Your man is up there now to help kick your prayers to the head of the line. Stay strong and love those kids, that's what counts.

You are all so very dear to me. Far more than you will ever know, I do believe. You are very special people to reach out to embrace me with your kind words and heartfelt compassion. Your thoughts for my children and shared words of wisdom are a great comfort. My sincere gratitude to you all for this and for your being here.

im not so good with words but .......................chin up lass im hear for u xxxx.

You are loved and respected Ingrid......You are a friend of the universe, very good with emotions n feelings. I can only wish to be as compassionate as you are...thank you for your love n friendship...
RandyJoe...Ride Strong...