A man challenges an engineer, a physicist, and a farm-boy to fence off the largest amount of area using the least amount of fence.The engineer made his fence in a circle and said it was the most efficient.
The physicist made a long line and said that the length was infinite. Then he said that fencing half of the Earth was the best.

The farm-boy laughed at the others and with his design, beat the others. What did he do?

Damn Howard, you is too damn smaarrtt!

Removing an appendix is called an appendectomy, removing tonsils is called a tonsillectomy. What is it called when they remove a growth from your head?

A Haircut....

A man in a restaurant asked a waiter for a juice glass, a dinner plate, water, a match, and a lemon wedge. The man poured enough water onto the plate to cover it. "If you can get the water on the plate into this glass without touching or moving this plate, I will give you a $100 tip," the man said. "You can use the match and lemon to do this."  A little while later, the waiter walked away with $100 in his pocket and the customer was mumbling. How did the waiter get the water into the glass?

Here is a little poem for Y'all...
You will know that I am coming
From the jingle of my bell,
But exactly who I am is not an easy thing to tell.

Children and grown ups, they adore me
for they find me all smiley and  jolly,
but I do not see them when the halls are decked with holly.

My job often leaves me frozen,
I am one that all should know,
But I do not do business in times of sleet or ice or snow.

I travel much on business,
But no reindeer haul me around,
I do all my traveling firmly on the ground.

I love the time of Christmas,
But that's not my season,
And I assure that is because of a sound economic reason.

It prods a man's hand, and it robs him of sleep,
It makes him climb mountains and travel the deep,
It makes him go wander down deep in a cave,
and do almost anything stupid or brave,
The longer denied the greater it grows,
It makes a man learn 'till he thinks that he knows.

Find out what the animals are! (for example, "To run away or escape" could be a "flea")
Here's another clue for you all
the walrus is Paul.. wait that is another forum...

Phoenetic spelling might be required.

1. hair-control foam
2. very exposed
3. tellin' falsities
4. a lamenting cry
5. a dull person
6. a precious or loved one
7. first you get a parking ticket, then you get this
8. these make up a chain

There was once a college that offered a class on probability applied to the real world.

The class was relatively easy, but there was a catch. There were no homework assignments or tests, but there was a final exam that would have only one question on it. When everyone received the test it was a blank sheet of paper with a solitary question on it: "What is risk?" Most students were able to pass, but only one student received 100% for the class! Even stranger was that he only wrote down one word!

What did he write?

"This."

The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won't _ _ _ _ in time for the race, so _ _ '_ _ have to drop out.

2. The man was so upset about being _ _ _ _ that he regularly _ _ _ _ _ _ himself up on the bed and _ _ _ _ _ _ his eyes out.

3. I couldn't _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _ everything he _ _ _ _.