"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change, when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.

What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. He offered these kind words, "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time." All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And, no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast. As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey. The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

thanks i enjoyed reading this and i sure can relate, more and more it seems.

At least this guy could FIND his keys. I'm still looking for mine. LOL

lmao.... good one!

BUT ... try being called MAM, everywhere you go! The freakin' nerve! Not only by the younger generation, but by my OWN generation... WTF!

Hey "OL TIMER", have ya' been back to Taco Bell lately ?

Ya gotta go with the flow. It takes courage to grow old....With senior-ity comes wisdom...

Who you callin OLD ???

Loved this one RT

Just remember  this......

  Senility is hereditary - you get it from your kids     Well, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it

Well, I guess that we have all gotten old....er; but that gives us experience, wisdom, and common sense. We are more than qualified to make one of two statements at any time of our choosing:

1. Been there, done that!
2. I don't think ya really want to do that!

Sooooo, if bein' older makes me a senior citizen, so be it. All the youngsters can just move on back to the end of the line! LOL!!!

I don't understand why getting old is such a negative thing, especially for women. most i know fight it tooth and nail!

Sure my hair is graying, but no i am not going to color it... ever. And my waist is thickening but no i am not going to spend my days in a gym walking aimlessly on a treadmill, like a rat on a wheel. No thank you, i'll spend my days riding and hiking.

At 51, my heart is still true. i am accomplished and i am confident. There is no one else i would rather be. The road i have traveled to get to 51 has been rugged at times, but it is what makes me who i am and i like me, just as i am... thick in the middle and gray on the top!

I do, however, find the comment "mam" degrading. When i think of someone as "mam", she is cold and heartless, bitter old woman. Quite the contrary, i am.

It is funny though, to see the world around me getting younger and younger! i mean, have you seen a state trooper lately! OMG... some still look wet behind the ears!

Senior-ity...I Like That!  Life is Good at 62....

Im only 48 and already getting e-mails about hearing aides,hip replacements senior dating and AARP, it's like they cant wait for you to get old so they can sell you something.

About a decade ago aging, in this day & age, became humorous for me.

Was going into a Holiday Inn for a seminar or something when about 20, fat, honkin' big, scooters pull in. - A rider dismounts & starts towards the front door when his old lady grabs him by the ear & says "Be sure they give you the AARP discount."