Forum Posts

• OceanLily
  Posted in the topic Bikers in Recovery in the forum Off Topic

  September 23, 2012 1:55 PM PDT

  Tweek and Gypsy,
  
  Thank you both so much for replying and for your words of wisdom and support. Drug addiction is truly heart-breaking and crack and meth are terrible demons. This is so hard for me because he is the only man that I want, I love him with all of my heart. Like most of us who love an addict I have thought that if only I had done this, or that, then he would have been stable, he would have been okay and not went back to drugs. In reality, drugs are a choice each person makes and whatever I do or not do should not influence that decision. I know this but I can't help feeling guilt and deep sorrow over the failure of something that to me was so beautiful. I will move on and I will make a life for myself but right now it seems all but impossible to leave behind the man who is my beloved. I have to make peace with the fact that he will most likely die from his addiction and there is not a thing that I can do about it. I suppose there is some small sliver of hope that by losing the wife that has loved and cared for him so deeply and knowing what a downward spiral he has entered into that perhaps he will seek help. He is in the healthcare system for now so perhaps he will get some help.
  
  Again, thank you both, it really helps me to know that someone cares enough to share their kindness and their story. <3
• OceanLily
  Posted in the topic Bikers in Recovery in the forum Off Topic

  September 22, 2012 3:40 PM PDT

  Not really sure where to turn. My life has been an emotional roller coaster for over two weeks now and just when I thought things were getting better my hopes were crashed to the ground.
  
  Just over two weeks ago my husband hit an elk on his way to work while riding his bike. Fortunately, he was wearing his helmet, although it did come off in the accident, or he would not have survived. He is hospitalized with a traumatic brain injury, the bones around his eyes broken, all ribs on the left side of his body broken, a shattered wrist and shattered tibia (bone below the knee cap). He has three bleeds in his brain and we are not sure if he still has vision in his left eye. He was in a coma for a week, the neurologist drilled two holes in his skull and he went through two surgeries within 15 hours of each other. Needless to say I have been devastated by this event.
  
  The past few days he has made wonderful progress and I was on top of the world ~ until today. My husband has struggled with addiction for 15 years and I have been with him for the past three. I have left him before when I discovered that he was using again and I thought this time that he had been clean for close to a year. Wrong. This afternoon I found a rock of crystal meth on my wood floor while I was cleaning. He knows that is a deal breaker for me and although I love him with all of my heart I will NOT continue to be with someone using drugs.
  
  What to do? He needs me now more than ever due to his injuries (he doesn't really have anyone else and he is not completely in his right mind yet) but I don't want to continue to be with him now that I know he is using again. I am so angry right now ~ angry because he almost died, angry because a team of 7 amazing doctors are putting him together again and a small army of nurses see to his care and all this to keep him alive just so he can go back to drugs and end up dying from it. I am so angry at his selfishness.
  
  What to do? Anyone with any experience on either side of the issue?
• OceanLily
  Posted in the topic What 's Everyone Doing This Weekend? in the forum Off Topic

  May 27, 2012 1:58 PM PDT

  Celebrating my 1st birthday! Last fall died and came back so tomorrow is my first birthday after being reborn into this life. Partied last night with my crew, lunch and shopping with the fam today and more fun stuff tomorrow on my actual birthday ~ I'm having the time of my life!
• OceanLily
  Posted in the topic new to this forum - looking for friends in the forum The Meeting Place

  April 25, 2012 8:28 AM PDT

  Welcome Nancy :-) I'm new here too and I think you'll really like this site, great people here. So sad that you and hubby live so far away! We live in Colorado but if we are ever in the bay area we'll look you up.
• OceanLily
  Posted in the topic New helmet or earplugs? in the forum Biker Chat

  April 24, 2012 10:41 AM PDT

  I just bought new Bell Apocalypse helmets for my husband and me and they are great! The Apocalypse is a full face helmet but I can still hear the important noises like the bike, emergency sirens, and my husband talking to me when we're at a stop light but I don't hear wind, etc. The great part about it is they were only $120 a piece.